Chapter 70
Chapter 0070 Hannah
from my face.
The evening air nipped at my cheeks as Noah and I walked in silence, our footsteps crunching softly against the frosted leaves and twigs that littered the pathway. I pulled my jacket a little tighter around myself, exhaling and watching as the little cloud of mist floated away I couldn't remember the last time we had walked down this particular trail that wound its way through the secluded woods surrounding the mansion grounds. We had frequented it early on in our marriage-back when everything still felt so new and exciting, back before the cracks had begun to show. Simpler times.
I
My chest tightened at the memory of our old after-dinner walks. It had been ages since those walks had happened, and the path had become a bit overgrown. wondered what made Noah want to walk it now, but I didn't bother asking. It wasn't worth it. I didn't notice the thick briar vine snaking across the trail until the very last second. With a m***led cry of surprise, my foot caught on the twisted brambles, sending me pitching forward before I could catch myself. Bracing myself for a harsh impact with the unforgiving ground, my eyes squeezed shut in preparation-
Only to feel a pair of strong, steady arms circling my waist from behind, yanking me upright with ease.
I let out a breathless gasp, my body instinctively stiffening at the sudden closeness of Noah's body as he effortlessly righted me. His firm chest was pressed flush against my back, his hands splayed across my abdomen to hold me steady. "Don't fall." Don't fall
My heart stuttered in my chest at the feeling of his body heat radiating through the layers of our clothing. followed by the deep rumble of his chest. This close, I swore I could almost feel his heart beating against my back. Noah didn't let go right away, and I didn't make any moves to pull away myself. We just stood there for a moment, the light of the crescent moon overhead casting a pale yellow glow over us.
Suddenly, and rather illogically, the thought of turning around in Noah's arms to press my lips against his flashed through my mind-
No. I couldn't. I didn't want to, I didn't want... him.
I
"Thanks," I mumbled, pulling away. "No problem."
A1 tense silence fell between us as we continued on our walk, one that was only punctuated by the sounds of our footsteps, the occasional hoot of a snowy owl, and my own blood rushing through my ears. Eventually, Noah cleared his throat.
"You were... really good with the kids today," he remarked, his tone cautious but shockingly. conversational although he deliberately kept his gaze averted. "Back at the orphanage. I was a bit
+25
surprised."
I couldn't quite suppress my snort of wry amusement as I glanced over at him. "Is that so hard to believe?"
"A little."
I sighed. "It's not exactly a challenge to get along with children, Noah. Not if you actually put in some effort and meet them on their level."
As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them wondering if I had been too harsh, too accusatory. I knew that I was just trying to protect myself by being cruel, just as he had done to me countless times. I wasn't blind to that fact.
To my surprise, though, Noah simply sighed and shook his head. "I know," he admitted. "Kids have never been my strong suit. I've never really known how to act or what to say around them."
I tilted my
head slightly to study his side profile. This may have been the first time ever that I had actually heard Noah openly admit to his own shortcomings.
Stopping, I reached out and pressed my hand to his forehead. Noah froze and blinked at me, instantly swatting my hand away. "What are you doing?"
I shrugged and kept walking. "Just checking to make sure you're okay." I teased, stepping over a fallen sapling. "I don't think I've ever heard you admit your own shortcomings before, so I wanted to see if you're ill or something."
Noah was quiet for a moment, although I heard him huff behind me. We walked in silence for a little while, longer before he spoke again.
"I don't know. For a long time, I thought it was just because I'm a man-that nurturing comes more naturally to women. But watching you today, seeing how you were... I don't think that's it, really."
I
I blinked, vaguely taken aback by the sincerity behind his words. Noah gave a mirthless chuckle. "I think I just don't have that gene for playfulness and imagination. That's all."
An unexpected pang twisted in my chest at the resignation in Noah's voice. Without really thinking it through, I found myself speaking up again.
"You know... I was thinking about volunteering at the library soon. Reading to the kids." I watched Noah's expression carefully from the corner of my eye, searching for a reaction. "Since you mentioned that we should volunteer together, you should come. Noah let out another huff. "I guess I did say that."
I let out a breath. "Well? What do you think?"
Tet
Noah regarded
I me carefully for a long moment, something Indecipherable flickering behind his emerald eyes. Finally, he gave a slow nod. "I'll think about it."
We lapsed back into yet another silence, although this one was somewhat less tense than before. But then, out of nowhere, Noah stopped in his tracks and spoke up again.
"Do you want to be a mom?"
I inhaled sharply, the air stinging my nostrils. Almost involuntarily, my hand started drifting down toward my belly, toward where the little life had taken root inside of me. If only he knew; if only he knew what had
0070
0070
Cpened, what I had already lost and what I had sworn to never lose again.
But I quickly stopped myself. He couldn't know; not before the divorce, at least. Maybe not ever.
"Isn't that the whole point of our monthly intimacy nights?" I asked. "To put an heir in me?"
Noah clenched his jaw. "I mean, do you want to be a mom?" he clarified. "Outside of duty?"
I nodded before I could stop myself. "I do."
"To my child?"
ΠΙΟ
"No."
His words made my heart stop in my chest. Goddess, had he figured it out? Would he try to keep us from divorcing? Maybe that was why I blurted out my next word, the sound ripping from my lips far more harshly than I had intended. Noah seemed to flinch almost imperceptibly at my word. He quickly set his jaw and looked away, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. I instantly felt my stomach sink, but then I corrected myself. I hadn't hurt him. I couldn't hurt him. He never loved me why would he care if I wanted to be the mother of his child?
There was a long silence that seemed to stretch on foran eternity after that. Neither of us spoke, neither of us made a move to continue on our walk. During those moments, I knew that whatever sense of candor and camaraderie we had briefly experienced was long gone now; perhaps for the better.
"We should get back," he finally said, turning on his heel and striding away without another word.This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.