Camera Shy (Lessons in Love Book 1)

I lost my virginity in the back of a Pontiac the summer before college. It was to a boy named Lucas. Thirteen years later, I don’t remember much about the mechanics. I just remember it being uncomfortable, brief, and just about the biggest letdown that year and that’s even after I got my rejection letter from Berkeley. Lucas praised me afterward, telling me we were so hot together, but what we did had nothing to do with together. I got nothing from it.

I was simply a vessel for his release.

I really think the way I lost my virginity cursed me and set the entire tone for my future sex life. Mason was the third guy I’d ever had sex with. Let down Lucas. Quick-to-come Cameron. And last, but not least…mundane Mason. But I loved him, so what was mundane, was tolerable. It was fine. I was fine.

Until tonight.

When the curse is broken.

Because the way Finn is looking at me like he’s going to devour me whole, makes me think this one night is going to be the redemption of my entire lackluster sexual saga.

Here. We. Go.Content bel0ngs to Nôvel(D)r/a/ma.Org.

Finn lifts me like I’m light and places me on the counter in the middle of the master closet. I flinch when the cool granite touches the bare back of my thighs. That’s how you know this is a multimillionaire’s closet. Why the fuck do you need granite in a closet?

I swing my dangling legs out of nerves, my heels hitting the back of the cabinets like an antsy child.

Finn pulls off his shirt, disorienting me with his chest and abs that are so perfectly sculpted I want to touch them to make sure they’re real. He stands between my legs and presses his palms against the tops of my thighs to stop my fidgeting. “I know you’re nervous,” he says with a sly smile. I nod in reply, expecting him to tell me not to be, but he goes in a different direction. “You should be.”

“Should I?”

He scrunches his face. “Yeah, of course. I always get a little nervous when something really fucking amazing is about to happen.” It’s like a shot of adrenaline pools between my thighs.

My lips part in surprise. “See? How do you do that?”

Wrapping his muscular arm around my back, he runs his lips up and down my neck. I start to go hazy from his heady smell of sweat and cologne. He smells so damn good I want to taste him. “How do I do what, Avery?” he growls into my ear.

“You talk about sex like it’s natural.”

“It is.”

“You seem so sure this is going to feel good for both of us.”

He nods into the crook of my neck. “I am.”

“How do—”

“Are you still on your period?” he asks, interrupting my questioning.

I shake my head. “No, it was the tail end yesterday, completely gone today.” I clear my throat. “Would that have been a…should I not…you know. Is that a deal breaker for guys?” His forehead crinkles as he raises his brows.

“Not for me. Dex has the best walk-in shower to fuck in. It has a bench.”

He’s not wrong. I love Dex’s shower. There are two rain shower heads and massage jets in the center. His large built-in teakwood bench is clearly custom-made. Although, my stomach churns when I think about how Finn knows Dex’s shower is ideal for sex. He’s done it here before. I wonder how many other women he’s put in front of this mirror.

But it’s not my business. That’s not what we’re here for. He’s my teacher, and I’m a student with questions.

“Dammit,” I say as I cringe. “I don’t have condoms.”

Finn bites his bottom lip. “Dex does. Third drawer of his nightstand.”

I close my eyes so Finn doesn’t see me roll them. And why the hell is he having so much sex at his friend’s house anyway?

“But we may not need them. Are you on birth control?”

Of all things to wind me, of all moments…why now? Don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry.

“Yep,” I squeak.

But my stupid eyes give me away. Finn won’t move on from the subject when he sees me tearing up. “Why are you upset? We can use a condom if that makes you more comfortable. I just know you’re not the fuck around type and I got tested a while back. I’m clean, and I haven’t been with anyone since.”

“Okay,” I say, trying to push the intrusive thoughts away from my mind. “That’s fine.”

The truth is when I found Mason’s engagement ring in the closet, I made an appointment with my gynecologist about family planning. They were booked out for six months, but I figured it was perfect timing. Within six months, surely Mason would’ve proposed.

I’m thirty. I want kids and I already feel a little late to planning. I figured Mason and I would have a brief engagement and would want children shortly after we got married. I made an appointment to have my IUD removed. An appointment that I missed last week because I’m not in California, I’m not engaged, and I’m about to have sex with a man I’ve known for about a week for the sole purpose of understanding what I’m doing wrong in the bedroom. I would’ve never guessed this is where I’d be when I booked that damn appointment.

“Talk to me,” Finn says. “What’s on your mind?” He finds my eyes and cocks his head to the side.

Relaxing my eyelids, I press my fingers to my temples. “I need to think a little less, Finn. I just want to feel. Can you kiss me now?”

His lips are on mine before I can open my eyes again. All suspicions confirmed, Finn tastes like…

Man. Fresh. Breath. Air. Flesh.

I can’t cohesively describe it. He kisses with intention, his tongue massaging mine. His bottom lip is tucked between both of mine until he decides it’s not deep enough. He tilts his head and claims my mouth, but eventually his craving grows, my lips unable to satiate him…

He moves down my neck while toying with the knot of my bikini top. “Avery,” he whispers, “you taste so sweet.” He uses his teeth to tug on my earlobe gently. “I am going to make you feel so fucking good. Tell me where you want my lips.”

“Wherever you want.”

He stills and steps backward. I immediately shudder, missing his warmth. Finn turns to adjust the giant mirror. His biceps and forearms tense as he angles the heavy mirror and frame, accentuating the images on his tatted arm. Taking the opportunity to thoroughly inspect his sleeve, I realize how much more intricate his tattoo is than just the ghost ship. There’s what I can only assume is a kraken tattooed on the back of his arm, dancing across his tricep. Below the crook of his elbow, a cluster of mermaids or sirens look out at the dark sea. I think this whole design is meant to look angry…intimidating perhaps…but right now, to me, it only looks hot.

I want to be pinned down, those pictures pressed against my skin as Finn makes a puddle out of me. Except for some reason, he’s stalling.

I’m now on display, right in the middle of the mirror. I expect him to return to me so I can wrap my legs around him and continue our make-out session, but Finn grabs a rolling stool from the corner of the closet and positions himself between my legs. He sits down slowly, his eyes locked between my legs. Eye level with the apex of my thighs, he has to tilt his head upward to meet my eyes.

“Your first lesson,” he says with a wicked smile on his face.

Oh, for a moment, I forgot why we’re doing this. He’s not just here for pleasure. He’s here to teach. “Is?”

“Dirty talk.”

The corners of my lips turn down and I watch my pout in the mirror. I don’t want to talk dirty at the moment. What I really want is to turn the lights off and let Finn climb on top of me. I just want to feel safe underneath his body, where I know he can’t see any part of me jiggling around. Except that’s exactly what I said I was bored of. I’m here to push my comfort level, and Finn is here to hold my hand through it.

“Dirty talk is not my strong suit.”

“Do you know why?” His startling baby blue eyes are dancing with entertainment. I think it turns him on when I blush.

“Um, I don’t watch a ton of porn…like some. Not a lot. So I don’t know what they say. I’m not really vocal during sex.”

His smile grows. “First of all, I’m going to make you vocal during sex. I’m going to have you screaming when you come. Trust me.”

My stomach clenches and I instantly feel the swell between my legs.

“Second of all, you don’t need to watch porn to learn this. Too much and it desensitizes you. You already know what to say but you won’t let yourself say it because it’s embarrassing. Dirty talk is just asking for exactly what you want.” Finn places both of his hands on my knees and trails his hands up my thighs. “So when I ask you where you want my lips, why don’t you go ahead and tell me the truth?”

“My…” Fuck. Why is this so hard? “My neck,” I say. “I like when you kiss me there.”

Finn shakes his head. “No, baby, that’s a lie. That’s not where you want them. You want me to eat your pussy like I’m starving, don’t you?” He pushes my thighs apart and strokes his thumb against my swimsuit bottoms, knowing exactly where my clit is without seeing it. “I bet you’re so fucking wet for me right now my tongue could go swimming, sweet girl.”

My heartbeat turns into aggressive flutters; it vibrates like a hummingbird’s wings. I love the way he’s stroking me, teasing me. Everything Finn does lights me on fire in the right way.

This hellish heat… Oh.

I want to burn.

I like when he talks to me like that in the sanctity of this closet. When we’re in private, just Finn and me, I want to tell him what I want.

His eyes don’t leave mine as he picks up the pace and rubs rapid circles around my swelling clit. Oh God. I’m going to come from his thumb. This is seriously about to happen. I know it because my thighs are tensing and I have the urge to let my eyes roll into the back of my head.

“Is this how you want to come?” Finn asks. “Because if there’s something else you want”—he smiles wickedly at me—“tell me. You’re safe with me and what you want me to do, believe me, baby, I really want to do it too.” He leans forward and plants a wet kiss above my knee. “Just say it.”

“I…um…”

“Say it,” he growls.

“I don’t want to.”

“Why?”

“Because Mason hated it. Every time I asked, he came up with an excuse. The rejection hurt. It made me feel gross and humiliated, and now I just can’t stand the idea of bringing it up.”

Finn stops rubbing me, and his smile flattens. “Did you blow him?”

“What?”

“Would you give Mason head when you guys had sex?”

I mean, we rarely had sex, but when we did… I nod.

“Lesson number two, Avery—and this is a very important one. Are you listening?”

I nod again as I try to swallow down the lump in my throat.

Finn looks right into my eyes and says, “If a man doesn’t give, he doesn’t get. End of story. Don’t waste your time on selfish assholes.”

He kisses all the way up my thigh this time. When he reaches the fabric covering my sex, he yanks it aside and blows across my crease and over my clit. It’s a seductive, yet blissful stimulation. Like a sweet cool breeze on the hottest day. It feels so good I lose my head. I let myself get drunk off this man’s potent sexuality, and the words just spill out of my mouth…

“I really like that,” I moan.

“You look so good, baby. You’re so hot and pink and swollen.” He chuckles. “I haven’t been this excited about pussy in a long time.”

It’s the first moment I notice how into this Finn is. Like sex with me is more than a friendly favor to white knuckle through. Am I desirable? Am I appealing? Does he actually want me? My confidence soaks through my body like liquor in my bloodstream. I let the hazy feeling flow through me, intoxicating me until it reaches my lips and my mouth falls open…

The first words I can think of just come rolling out.

“I want to come on your tongue, Finn. Please. Kiss me hard, right on my clit.”

He stops blowing against my sensitive skin and smiles at me wider than I’ve ever seen before. “There you go, Avery, there’s the dirty talk. Good girl. You’re such a quick learner. That was very sexy.”

I soak up his praise as he unties the bows of my bikini bottoms. I bridge my hips so he can pull the swimsuit from underneath me and then toss it aside. Tenderly, he scoots me to the edge of the counter, then secures my heels against his shoulders. I’m spread, on display, and my most intimate area is an inch away from Finn’s face. I should be writhing with humiliation, but I just don’t care right now. I’m so turned on. All I care about, all I can think about, is finding my release. I’m so needy, the pressure is too much.

“And just so you know,” he says before he licks my inner thigh half an inch away from my center. “This is my pleasure to do, Queen.” Oh dear God. He teases me with soft kisses, apparently to make me erupt from the anticipation alone. I try to lie backward, but Finn protests. “No, sit up. Eyes on the mirror. I want you to see how fucking beautiful you look when I make you come.”

He drags his tongue across my slit, up then down, starting on one side, then attending to the other. “Goddamn, I knew you’d taste sweet,” he moans.

There’s no way. I am a thirty-year-old grown adult. I thoroughly understand a woman’s anatomy. It is not cotton candy and bubblegum down there. But he’s certainly treating me like I’m dessert. The way he moves, moans, and tells me how soft and warm and delicious I am, I actually believe him.

I’m sweet.

I’m savory.

Following Finn’s command, I watch myself in the mirror. My crazy hair, loose strands falling out of my messy bun. My cheeks are so flushed they’re red and splotchy. My lips are permanently parted. I can’t get enough air through my nose, so I have to gulp and gasp to fill my lungs as Finn tries to suffocate me with pleasure. His broad, muscular back in the mirror is blocking the view of anything intimate. But I can clearly see the mermaids of his tattoo on the back of his arm. They are perfectly shaped, with hourglass figures, tiny waists, and voluptuous chests under their clamshell bras. They are beautiful. They are inviting me to be beautiful with them as they sit on their rock, smiling wickedly, egging me on.

You’re beautiful. You’re worthy. Go ahead, girl, get yours.

Feeling my orgasm building, I flex my hips and push harder against Finn’s tongue. As subtly as I can, I grind my hips and immediately feel him smile against my womanhood.

“Sorry,” I mumble, ashamed I’m being too greedy.

Finn reaches for my hips with both hands and grabs as much of my ass as he can in this position. He squeezes firmly before pulling me tighter against his face. “Don’t you dare be sorry. That’s so sexy. Enjoy yourself, Avery. Use me. Use my tongue.”

He guides my hips, encouraging my feral behavior. I push all reason away. Don’t think too hard, don’t worry so much…just feel. I weave my fingers into Finn’s dark, coarse hair. It’s trimmed on the sides, but the top is plentiful enough to grip. And when I’m almost on the brink of my orgasm, I make a fist.

“Oh, ho, ho,” he says between breathy chuckles. “Good girl. Pull my hair. Don’t you dare stop.”

He’s saying all the filthy things because he knows, believe it or not, I like it. The Rumble chat room was cringe-worthy, but not because of the words, because of who was saying it. All the things I used to find awkward…hm, maybe it was timing, maybe it was the company. Finn could ask anything of me right now, and I’d do it. Including…

“Fuck my face, baby. I want to taste how hard you come,” he growls.

I make a point to find my eyes in the mirror.

Then I explode.

And Finn’s right.

It’s so fucking beautiful.

He’s patient through my orgasm. He even stands and lays me backward, so I can relax. The cool granite touching every inch of my skin is a welcome relief.

“I’ll be right back,” he says and then disappears through the closet to the master bathroom. I hear water running. Understandable. He’s probably rinsing off his face, seeing as I drenched it. Finn returns with a robe draped over his arm. It suddenly dawns on me that my bikini top is still on. That was hands down the best orgasm I’ve ever had in my life, and my top is on, covering Finn’s favorite part of my body.

This night has barely begun.

“Why are your pants still on?” I ask, nodding toward his shorts. Never have I been more eager to see a man’s erect penis before in my life.

Except Finn cringes. Apologetically.

“Hop down,” he says, holding out his arms to catch me. Draping the robe over me, he kisses my cheek. “Come on.” Grabbing my hand, he leads me to the bedroom. He just tasted the most intimate part of my body, but it still gives me nervous flutters when he holds my hand. Leading me to the bed, Finn pulls the corner of the cover down and guides me into a sit. He joins me, sitting right beside me, shoulder to shoulder. “Can I get you anything? Water? A beer?”

“Why do I feel like you’re leaving?”

He lets out a big sigh. “Because I am.”

“Did I do something wrong—”

“Don’t even say it, Avery.” He kisses my shoulder. “You are perfect. In fact, you really got into it.”

I turn my head to face him and he’s smirking. I roll my eyes. My confidence has sobered, and I’m embarrassed at how animalistic I just acted on that closet counter.

“Sorry. It’s not my usual style…”

“Don’t be. It was great. But I realize that you must be really comfortable with me to let your guard down like that.”

I pat his knee. “I am.” It’s strange. It doesn’t make sense. But I am.

“Which means I have more responsibility in this than I realized,” he says softly.

“What does that mean?”

Finn turns his knee in to face me. He tucks a loose hair behind my ear as he speaks, “When I left you in the hot tub, I got a call.”

“I know.” I’m worried about why he’s grimacing. “Who called?”

“Someone who really pissed me off.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He releases something between a laugh and a grunt. I’m not sure exactly. I just know it means hell no. “I was upset, so I came over thinking we could have some fun and comfort each other, but I want tonight to stay just for you. Can I take you out before we go any further?”

Out? Like into the world? Where people would see us together? “Finn…you told me you weren’t ready for a relationship, and I heard you loud and clear. Mason and I just broke up as well. I have no expectations from you. I’m not trying to trick you into dating me. I really just needed a safe space to explore this side of myself.” A secret, safe place. Because if people knew what we were up to, Finn might be the one embarrassed for a change.

“I wasn’t thinking that.” He cocks his head to the side. “I meant, let’s go to dinner as friends. Just because I’m not your boyfriend, doesn’t mean I don’t respect you. You told me you want me to teach you how to have good sex. No matter how you look at it, it gives me the upper hand and puts you in a vulnerable position.”

“True.” I’m impressed with his intuitiveness here. Really impressed. It’s strange, almost.

“I think we’re going to have fun doing this, but let me be a good guy about it. Okay? So have dinner with me tomorrow night, and then I’ll fuck you senseless right after.”

Why the hell are you single? How is this possible? Now I need to see his penis immediately because there must be something horrendously wrong with it. Maybe he murdered someone? Maybe he tortures puppies? What’s wrong with this man?

“Okay, thank you. That is incredibly nice.”

Finn smiles. “I have a client tomorrow afternoon, but I’ll be done well before six. Do you have a nice dress?”

Literally one. It’s the same dress I wore to my thirtieth birthday dinner. I don’t even know why I packed it. It’s the only dress I feel good in, and I didn’t want to leave it behind with Mason.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, good. The place I want to take you to has a dress code.” He kisses my forehead. “Get changed and comfortable. I’ll lock up on my way out then go through the back gate.”

He stands, but I stop him, my hand clenching his forearm.

“Hey, Finn?”

“Yeah?” He blinks at me expectantly with his baby blue eyes. His light eyes in contrast with his jet-black hair are so striking. Finn’s an interesting combination of sexy, yet beautiful. I don’t know whether I want to fuck him or paint him.

“Do you read women’s magazines or something? Or, like…follow Oprah. It’s weird. You told me to fuck your face, and yet you also want to be a gentleman and take me to dinner before sex?”

Finn chuckles. “You just haven’t seen my dark side. Yet. I’m taking you to a really nice restaurant and I’m going to pick up the tab. Then, when we get home, I’m going to make you earn your meal.”

I cross my legs as the stirring between my thighs kicks up again. “All right then, Finn. Keep your secrets. Good night.”

I stand up, intent on grabbing a clean pair of underwear, but Finn pauses in the bedroom doorway. He spins around to look at me across the room. “Avery, my dad is a womanizer.”

“What?” I’m caught off guard by his odd declaration.

“My dad treats women like shit. And I swear, I’m his spitting image. My entire life is basically my apology to the world for his behavior and a desperate attempt to prove that even though I look just like him, I’m nothing like him.” Finn’s eyes are on the hardwood floor, one of the rare moments he’s not making eye contact with me. “That’s why I’m nice.”

“Oh my God…I, um…shit, Finn. I’m not usually lost for words…”

“It’s okay, don’t say anything. I just wanted you to know I’m not playing you.” He looks up and his smile returns. “I’m for real. I’m a good guy.”

I nod, because I believe him. Finn is for real. “Okay,” I whisper.

“All right, Queen. Get some rest. You’re going to need it.” He winks. “Dream of me tonight.”