Dirty Little Secret (Forbidden Desires #1)

I stared down at the article’s title in a bold font: “How to Make Your Man Beg for More.” Rolling my eyes, I shoved the vinyl-covered magazine back into its resting place on the periodical shelf.

I couldn’t even make Gavin take what I was offering, let alone beg. And I still couldn’t help the hot shame that burned deep inside my chest when I thought about the way he’d swatted my hands away from him.

What kind of man didn’t want to come?

I ran my fingers through my hair. That was just . . . insane.

Things had gotten so intense in his limo. With my dress pooled around my waist and my panties soaked through, he’d done such naughty things to my body, made me want things I hadn’t in a very long time.

I’d never been a sexual creature, never lusted after someone the way my favorite authors described in some of the romance novels I loved. For a long time, I’d thought that was what Nathan wished would change so badly. Like, if I could just get that switch in my brain to flick on, everything would be okay again.

Not that things had ever been okay between us. Not really.

And now, after years of my trying and wishing and wanting to change, Gavin had turned me into a whimpering, writhing mess. But worse than that? He apparently wasn’t interested. After all those years of wanting to be someone else, to act like a real woman, I had unlocked my own sexuality just to have it thrown back in my face.

It was possible that it had nothing to do with me, but I knew better than that. Whatever his deal was, Gavin didn’t want me to touch him, didn’t want me to pleasure him the way he had done to me.

All night, I’d racked my brain, trying to figure out if it was me, or maybe Cooper, or maybe something else entirely that had made things so strained between us. I wanted to understand and, in a way, I think I did.

Just as I had a desire to please and to be taken, he desired total control.

I’d never been so turned on in my entire life. It was as though we shared a secret sexual connection. His need to possess matched perfectly with my need to be taken. And if he’d have asked? I would have given it to him. Everything.

In the days that followed, I couldn’t help but wonder about what that meant, and why I felt so alive in his presence, despite all my experience screaming at me to run away and go for the safer, sweeter option. Did we have a touch of the Dominant/submissive leanings I’d only read about in my favorite erotic novels? The rough edge of his voice, the intensity of the moment . . . it was almost unspoken between us, but oh so perfect. It sparked me to life in ways I couldn’t begin to comprehend.

I would have thought, after everything I’d been through with Nathan, that I would tear away from the idea of someone possessing me again. But then, maybe my past was exactly what was driving me to experiment?

These new, sweetly dark fantasies were something to fill the void of heartache and terror that had been my love life before. And if I could manage it? Well, then I would prove to myself that I could have a satisfying sexual relationship and not lose myself, that the real control was always with me.

And so I spent days waffling—at war with myself over what should have or might have or could have happened. But in the end, I figured out a few essential truths.

I wouldn’t let my fears over what happened with Nathan stop me from living my life. This was the most important thing, something I’d reminded myself of every day since I’d finally gotten away from him.

But also? I wanted Gavin. Rough and dominating and all wrong for me, and all I wanted was more.

I could tell myself whatever I wanted, but my heart knew the truth. I needed to feel as alive as I had in his arms that night. I needed to feel like a free, sexual, and capable woman.

When Monday came and I still had no word from either Kingsley brother, I decided to take matters into my own hands. With a deep breath, I fished my phone from my desk drawer and opened a message to Gavin.

Before I could get out more than four words, though, my phone pinged and my heart leaped into my throat. Maybe Gavin knew I was thinking of him. That we had some strange connection.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

But it wasn’t Gavin. It was Cooper, and it read simply, Lunch at the office?

Easy, happy Cooper. The safe choice, the guy I should want.

“Be there in ten,” I typed back, then grabbed my purse and stuffed my phone inside.

With a thirty-minute lunch break, I’d never make it. I slouched my shoulders and stood in Stan’s doorway. “I’ve got a ‘lady errand’ to run.”

Stan nodded quickly. “Of course. Do what you need to do.”

I tried to stifle my smile as I walked calmly out of the library and hopped on the train. I didn’t know if this lunch would be with Gavin and Cooper both, but the fact was that the idea of seeing either brother made my heart leap and my pulse tick.

When I got to the main floor of their office building, I let myself inside.

“Afternoon.” Sonja watched me as I entered, and I was hoping that her sneer was only in my imagination.

Turning the corner, I made my way to Cooper’s door and knocked lightly. He wasn’t there, so I walked farther down the hall, toward where I could see half of a tall, muscled man in a navy suit.

“Hey.” The man turned. It was Cooper, calling to me from the doorway to Gavin’s office.

Hell.

And also, yes.