I Swear, Let Me Love You Again

RACHEL’S POV: THAT NIGHT: The car ride was quiet, well, except for my sniffling and sobbing. I was disappointed in myself and I had come to the realization that coming with Nathaniel was the worst decision I could have made. Jason had promised to change, he said he would do better and see a specialist to deal with his aggressive ways. I had big hopes and for about two days, he was the Jason I fell in love with at first. One who was caring, attentive and loving but it didn’t last long. If I didn’t speak when he talked to me then according to him, I will be ‘disciplined’. He had made several threats to harm my mother, friends and Nathaniel especially if I left him. And he wasn’t one to threaten without action. My phone which was on my lap along with the flowers Nathaniel had given to me, the flowers meant so much to me, Nathaniel didn’t even know. His actions tonight might have worsened my situation but I adored him for standing up for me. It dinged and instantly fear washed all over my body as I read the text message, Bring yourself to my place before 24 hours and I’m not playing around.Content bel0ngs to Nôvel(D)r/a/ma.Org.

I will personally kill your brother if you two do anything spontaneous. Trust me. “Nathaniel…. I love you with all my heart but I can’t leave like this. I appreciate that you’re standing up for me but Jason…..” I trailed off looking at his side profile. He was livid and it seems like each word I uttered annoyed him further but I just couldn’t. This wasn’t the end. I feel like I would have to kill Jason with my own hands before I had peace. I had never thought of killing him until he had made love to me, it was so good I was crying with pleasure. Then the next thing I knew he was being aggressive and even hurt my cervix, so I had to go see a doctor after he literally shooed me away. He had done so much but what I won’t stand for is threatening my brother and I know he would actually do it because he is crazy, I strongly believe he has medical condition because of how his mother tries to caution him and just majorly how his family is with him, almost like they fear him except his cousins. “I need to deal with Jason or he will never let me be…I need to talk to him and be upfront with him…” He was about to speak but I stopped him. “I know you want me to be well. But please respect my decision.” I pleaded and the car came to a stop at a traffic light. “What do you mean, respect your decision? Do you know how powerless I feel seeing you this way and our mother supports this? This…” He trailed off staring at me with anger and frustration. A single tear dropped from my eyes, I understood him…I really did. “I feel powerless as well. Everything is hard for me but running away won’t do anything but bring more pain. So just drive me back to mum’s place and what will truly make me happy is if you check up on me regularly and maybe send flowers.” I spoke trembling and he sighed, running his hand across his face. “Please.” I pleaded and the red light turned green and he just continued driving. The car was filled with utter silence and the silence was deafening. I just stared out the window looking at the cars driving by, the beautiful lights in the city and the bustle and hustle of the streets. We arrived at a restaurant that was owned by the Millers, the one I had gone to see Jason and I regret till this day. I had even failed to purchase the book I wanted. “Let’s go…and talk.” He exhaled stopping the car and I nodded. He hopped out of the car then tossed the key to the valet, I did the same holding onto my flowers and phone, I didn’t couldn’t leave alone. The atmosphere was quite chilly but I loved it. I was dressed in a blue long sleeve gown which was also long stopping around my ankles. I had only gotten a sew in as I waited for my hair to grow back, as this was all Jason’s request. Nathaniel spoke with the hostess in front and she wasn’t the one I had met the other day. I glanced at the shelf and luckily there were two copies left. “Excuse me? Ummm…can I get a copy of the CLAPBACK?” I asked, interrupting her conversation with Nathaniel. “Alright ma’am. Let me direct you to your table.” I smiled weakly inhaling the sweet smell of delicious food and the soft jazz music playing in the background was relaxing. I loved this restaurant aside from its horrible memories. I hoped that maybe I will gain strength from Lydia after reading the book. As the hostess directed us to the table, I was surprised to see Lydia looking elegant and gorgeous, laughing and discussing with someone. As we drew closer to the table, I glanced at Nathaniel seeing he had a frown on his face. I couldn’t tell if it was because of Jason’s situation and seeing Lydia on what looked like a date with a man who I couldn’t see his face. I just stared at Lydia with pure admiration, her sparkly gold accessories, her composure, her new color of hair and its curls, her little makeup and the beautiful silk gown. She had been through so much, I loved seeing her happy. Maybe I would be just as happy…or dead…who knows? She and Nathaniel made eye contact and her face dropped for a second probably waiting for him to approach her but he walked right past her. “Thank you.” I appreciated it as he helped me with the car door side before heading towards his.