The Glimpse of My Past

Leandro’s P. O. V.

God! Does Diane really feel that I was choking her? Does she really feel that I was too obsessed with controlling her? Am I really suffocating her?

Why? Was it a bad thing that I just loved her? That I couldn’t stop showing my real feelings for her? Was it awful that I wanted to protect her?

Was it wrong to demand that I must be the only one to stay by her side, and no one else should matter to her? Nothing was wrong with how I used to express my love for her because it was only me who had the right to own her!

Impatiently massaging my left temple while drinking my limited edition of French champagne, I was walking back and forth here in the living room of our mansion as my mood swelled with anger. Suddenly, something was knotting inside my chest that made me hard to breathe. I never relied on my instinct, but it was as if telling me to get ready because something was about to happen. 

Rage was boiling inside me while swallowing down in frustration. Unhinged, I wanted to mercilessly beat someone. How could I not be completely paranoid now? First of all, I did not give those fucking red roses to Diane! The thought made me throw my champagne flute against the white wall causing a loud smash of broken glass.

How I wished I was the one who gave that bouquet to her, so that nothing would bother my mind now, making me sleepless ever since last night. I just pretended in front of Diane that I gave it to her because I did not want her to think about who it came from. I would never embrace the idea of Diane thinking of another man.

Diane should not focus on other people because aside from her family, she must only concentrate on me. I should be the only person who she sees. People would call me selfish, but I didn’t care! Her warm brown eyes should only glance at me. She must only give her pretty and genuine smiles to me because she belonged to me, and no one could ever take her away from me. Over my dead body!

But if only I told her that the bouquet did not come from me, would she take and keep it? So, she didn’t like it anymore because it came from me? Is it how she really dislikes me?

No! Just wait a little more, Diane. You will love me whether you liked it or not!

My eyes narrowed as fury welled up inside my chest. With full strength, I adamantly kicked the glass table in front of me, and it made an ear-splitting thud when it shattered into pieces. I simply could not turn my emotions down. It was too exasperating that someone wanted to meddle between the two of us.

After she rejected her bunch of suitors, I thought I could be happier. But I was wrong. I was still having a hard time getting her sweetest yes even though I was her remaining wooer. How much more when there was this ridiculous ‘L’ who just appeared out of nowhere and would like to be Diane’s suitor too? Motherfucker!

“Now that I found you, I will never let you go. Not now, not anymore!” -L

“I will never let you go, my ass!” I mimicked what was on the card. “You should stay away from her before I beat the hell out of you, asshole!”

My jaw clenched as I indignantly crumpled the greetings card before throwing it into the nearest trash bin. Like what I did on the center table, I strongly kicked the trash bin too. The incident made its contents immediately spread to the tiled floor. The whole living room was messy now. I had to render my apology to Nana in advance.

Whoever that dickhead was, he should get ready to face my wrath! And he even had the guts to use my initial, huh? Crazy son of a bitch-hell damn it! So, how was he feeling now? A superhero who had been looking for Diane throughout these years? Bullshit!

Thank goodness that Diane’s naiveness in such things made her blind to what was the truth. She did not think of someone else and just focused on the initial L. As I researched the names of her past suitors, I was only the one whose name begins with the letter L.

Diane was so innocent that she did not get what was the real meaning behind this. She didn’t get it right that the mysterious sender of those flowers would never be me because I was not looking for her in the first place!

Should I thank that bastard for not using any other letters from the alphabet? Damn! Why would I thank someone for doing that? He was clearly on his first step of making his way to Diane’s heart! He was on the verge of getting what should be mine, and I would never allow that!

Another thing that drove me crazy was that I didn’t know where Diane hid last night in the parking lot. I didn’t know where she went after avoiding me in the club.

I knew I hurt her after confessing the truth. I could see the pain reflected through her brown orbs, but I did not have any other choice. I lied to her, yes, but it would never change the fact that I truly loved her. I loved her so much that it was tearing my heart too.

Every time she was evading and walking away from me, it hurts me far beyond what she could ever think. It was true that I would never stop winning her, but I wasn’t numb to feel that she didn’t like me at all and that what hurts me the most. I used to destroy women, but only Diane could make me feel helpless and heartbroken.

So, I just went to their house last night to check on her. I had been calling her several times, but it looked like she blacklisted my number. From all the times I could only watch Diane from a distance, it was the first time I came to their house.

I talked to her brother, who was closing the gate by that time, and from him, I learned that Diane had not come home yet because she got stranded somewhere else. He told me that her sister didn’t even mention where she was at the moment. I guessed he wasn’t lying to me.

If only I knew, I would be willing to fetch her and accompany her to their home as soon as possible. I was not able to control my temper in front of her brother, that I blatantly punched their marble post making me wound my right knuckles.

The teenager might have been afraid of me that he immediately locked the gate, went inside their house, and turned off the lights outside. I could feel him peeking through their windows, but I didn’t mind him anymore.

Like what the fuck?

It was driving me insane thinking about Diane’s whereabouts. I tried to call her again, but I still couldn’t reach her. My calls would just go straight to voice messages, notifying me that I should speak to her after those annoying beeps. I almost threw my phone out of rage. I just couldn’t get it. I would never want to believe Diane’s alibi of being stranded.

How would she get stranded on the road when it wasn’t even raining? Where did she possibly rest over when there were non-stop and twenty-four-hour trips of jeepneys from Lucy’s Club until here? Was everything my fault? If I didn’t chase her, she would never run away.

I had no other choice but to drive back to the mansion. Stepping into my bedroom made me instruct my spy to get a copy of the nearest CCTV footage before Diane left their house. I had to know who left those roses outside their gate as she told me because I wouldn’t just lay on my bed and wait. But I didn’t know that I hired a damn and fucking loser who couldn’t even get a copy of a simple CCTV footage!Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

He told me that he sneaked through the subdivision’s security and control room at around one in the morning. The guards on duty were sleeping, but he was quite mystified too, on why the entire folder was missing. He reasoned out that someone might have deleted the footage before he could take a look at it. I did not give him the chance to explain anymore as I fired him immediately.

Leandro, take a deep breath and relax! Now is the right time for you to go and check on her, okay? Diane must be already home by now, my subconscious mind whispered.

Yes. That would be the best thing to do as I could no longer wait to see her. Only Diane could make me feel calm, and with my situation right now, I badly needed her to stay by my side so that no one could take her away from me. I didn’t want to reach that point when it was all too late. I would go to their house again to end these assumptions and to learn what actually happened.