The Glimpse of My Past

Diane’s P. O. V.Upstodatee from Novel(D)ra/m/a.O(r)g

“You don’t understand, Diane… that’s why I want us to talk seriously. Please clear your mind first, and I’ll explain everything, okay? I wasn’t lying, and I wouldn’t ever do that to you. I was about to introduce you as my girlfriend a while ago, but you cut me off.” Liam held my hands tighter before he paused for a second.

“That kiss? It was nothing, Diane! I was also surprised by what she did. We were schoolmates in Harston, yes, but she’s not my girlfriend, and she’s never been. She was actually Leandro’s ex! You are my only girlfriend, Diane, and I will never take you for granted. Please believe me… I couldn’t afford to lose you.” Liam beseeched as he almost kneeled in front of me while kissing my hands unstoppably.

I chose to remain silent, but my tears were still gushing down my cheeks. I just looked away while my chest was moving up and down. My heart was melting again despite the fact that I should never let my guard down.

Why is it so hard to be angry at him? Why do I love him so much that I seemed to have nothing left for myself? Why do I want to give in to him again and immediately believe all of his explanations to me?

My lips parted, and I was about to say something when Lorenz intervened, breaking the silence.

“You know what, Diane? I think it would be much better if you and Liam would talk first. You should not be running away from problems like that. You should work with him on how to fix it no matter what. You two decided to be in a relationship together, so you must sort things out together. I was rooting for the two of you to fix everything,” Lorenz advised as if he had already experienced being in a relationship.

I didn’t want to be hurt but I knew the fact that when you love someone, it comes with pain. When you love someone, it would not always be about rainbows, and it comes with rains. When you love someone, it comes with tears. I wanted to understand the situation and give Liam a chance to explain himself, but now? I couldn’t do it. I still couldn’t talk to him.

Everything hurts now. Every damn little thing, and I just wanted to freshen up a little… away from him.

For that, I slowly removed Liam’s grip on my hands while sniffing. I seemed to be choking too. “I’m sorry, Liam… but I’m not yet ready to talk to you. Maybe tomorrow, I would be okay… but for now, just let me go first. For now, I just want to think things through. I’ll contact you tomorrow. Lorenz, let’s go.” I turned my back to Liam, and it felt like it only magnified my woes. 

Without looking back, I pulled Lorenz over into the direction where he parked his car this morning. I walked like my limbs didn’t really belong to me, and each step away from Liam was damnably killing me. Lorenz did nothing but accompanied me and opened the door of his car for me.

When I already settled myself in the passenger seat, that was the time I painfully looked at Liam. He only looked at us and did not follow anymore, but I could see how sadness reflected through his eyes as his tears began to shed too. But he couldn’t do anything about it because I had already decided. I wasn’t breaking up with him-I just didn’t want to remember what happened.

Lorenz was already driving, but I still couldn’t stop sobbing. My eyes were already puffy, and I was already tired of crying. I had already used up all of his tissues in the car because I had nothing to pull out from my bag. My wet wipes were all used up too. Liam used to call me several times already, but I just refrained from answering his calls… until I decided to turn off my phone.

“Look, Diane… I wasn’t in the right position to say this, but it was too obvious that you were having a hard time! Why don’t you just go back there and give Liam a chance to talk to you? I didn’t know what exactly happened between the two of you, but I think he deserves the right to explain his side. I’m sorry to say this, but don’t be too emotional. Instead, you should be matured enough over things,” Lorenz emphasized.

“I-It’s not that easy to see… that the person you loved was k-kissing someone else in front of you, and t-that woman even introduced herself as Liam’s g-girlfriend. I couldn’t accept that, Lorenz!” I wept out loud while explaining to him.

“Exactly, Diane… that’s the point! Why are you jumping to conclusions, and why would you believe that woman even more? Why? Tell me, was Liam the first one to approach and initiate the kiss? Did Liam introduce her as his girlfriend? Answer me. If yes, I don’t mind making a U-turn here to immediately go back there, and beat your boyfriend myself!” Lorenz said grimly.

Now, Lorenz acted so differently, and women could even fall for him instantly. I wasn’t used to seeing him in a superb and masculine way, so it was quite strange for me. And the way he talked? Damn, he was so handsome and indeed a turn-on.

How I wished that Karen was able to see Lorenz while he was scolding me right now. He was so far from his gay pretense, who only loved to pout lips and flick his fingers way back then.

I wanted to smile, but I wasn’t in the right position to do that. I unevenly shook my head in response to his questions before I threw it back on the car rest. “No, he didn’t.”

“See? You know what? It’s really hard to understand you, women! Do you always expect that we, men, will always be the ones to adjust and understand you? That we will always be the ones to take care of you? That because we love you so much, you, women, will always have the right to take us for granted?” Lorenz drew an arrogant smirk on his lips before he continued sermonizing me.

“Wake up, Diane! You’re smart, but you’re only letting your emotions take control of everything. You knew the truth, but you still chose to be blind. You loved the person, but you were limiting yourself to fully trust and understand him. For what? For that useless pride? For your fucking ego? You, women, are the ones who sometimes complicate the situation!” Lorenz’s veins were throbbing on his neck while he was saying those words.

Wait, why does it seem to be not related to me anymore?

“Hey, Lorenz! Let’s clear things up here, okay? Why do I have this feeling that what you are pointing to right now doesn’t concern me anymore? Is this about Karen again?” I raised my left eyebrow at him while twitching the end of my lips into a smirk.

“Whatever I said was only for you, Diane… so don’t even mention Karen’s name here because, in the first place, she didn’t know my true feelings for her yet. I want you to absorb everything, so stop acting like you’re completely blindfolded!” Lorenz was nagging me like an older brother.

“You knew the truth, right? And of all people, it was you who knew Liam. If you really trust him, don’t narrow your mind and stop being irrational! As I’ve told you earlier-you’re smart, Diane. So, don’t give in to jealousy and hatred! Liam didn’t hurt you, bestie… you’re just hurting yourself.”

Lorenz was slapping me with the truth, making me sigh out of bleakness. He had a point there, but I was hard-headed enough not to listen and ended up ignoring him. I must admit that I was caught off-guard, and that was the main reason why I had to change the topic.

“Hmm, would you mind joining me for a few more minutes? I don’t want to go home yet, Lorenz. I don’t want my mom and my siblings to see me at this state. They will just worry about me, and I don’t want them to know that I cried because of Liam. I don’t want Liam’s name to be tainted when I’m just becoming too emotional.”

“So, where do you want us to go then?” Lorenz glanced at me before he focused his attention back on the road.