You, Me, and Forever (Blushing)

“You look tired,” my mother said as she reached for her iced tea.

“I’ve just been putting in long hours at the office.”

“Well, thank you for taking time to meet with me, Myles. I know how busy you are, and I appreciate it.”

“Always. You know that.” I paused when the server set down our plates in front of us.

We’d met at my mother’s favorite French restaurant in the city. I remembered coming here with her when I was young, and we’d spend some one-on-one time together.

“So the divorce is going to be final soon. Your father wants to keep the house in the city, and I’ll live full time in the country.”noveldrama

“That’s kind of how it’s been for a while anyway, right?” I asked, because their marriage had been broken for a very long time.

“Yes.” She cleared her throat before folding her hands where they rested on the table. “I’m sorry, Myles. I’m sorry that I didn’t do this sooner. I thought I was doing the right thing keeping our family together, but I was wrong.”

“You did the best you could, Mom. I don’t blame you.”

I didn’t blame her. She wasn’t the one who’d been off having affairs and babies with other people. She hadn’t forced me to keep a secret and threatened me about it for years.

“I should have done better. And that’s what I’m trying to do now. I know the damage it did to you, keeping your father’s secret for all those years. I know that you and Samuel are aware that Caleb is your father’s son. I don’t know, maybe I just thought that if we never discussed it, it wouldn’t be real. I’m in therapy now, and that’s really helped me to work through the choices I’ve made. It’s also helped me to make decisions for myself now.”

“I’m happy you’re prioritizing yourself, Mom. You always deserved better. So you know about Caleb?” I asked, because she’d always been nice to him, and she’d never said a word about it to me or Samuel.

“Yes. I confronted Wendy years ago. She admitted that Samuel was his son.” She shook her head. “And that’s why I allowed them to continue living on the property. I couldn’t very well put them out on the street. It wasn’t Caleb’s fault that they did what they did.”

“You’re a much bigger person than I am, Mom. I hope you at least called him out.”

“Yes. That’s when I took you and Samuel on that surprise vacation to the Amalfi Coast. But your father told me that if I left him, he’d make all of our lives difficult. He said it was a onetime thing, but I knew differently. And I just pulled away from him over the years, until I realized that we had more of a business relationship. I can’t even call it a friendship. We don’t like one another, or at least I don’t like him all that much. I wasted so much time, Myles.” A sad laugh escaped her mouth.

I’d always wanted to know why she stayed, and since we were being honest with one another, it seemed like an okay time to ask.

“Why would you stay for all those years, knowing he was having a full-blown affair with a woman who worked for you? A woman you considered a friend?”

“I met your father when I was eighteen years old. You know that I grew up without money, without things. And I met this man who gave me this fairy-tale life. Yes, he was difficult and selfish at times, but he wanted to give his family everything he could. I loved your father for a long time. And a little part of me will always love him because he gave me the two greatest gifts of my life—you and Samuel. But I should have left a long time ago. I spent many years feeling incredibly lonely. And that’s when my friendship started with Gino. I never cheated on your father, and I never would. He may not have respected our vows, but I always have. You have to remember that Papa and Nana didn’t have a great marriage. I didn’t have a great example, and that’s not an excuse, but it’s the truth. But I’m making changes now, Myles, and I want that for you as well.”

“Mom, you are not the bad guy here. I don’t blame you. I wish you’d left sooner, just because I want you to have everything you deserve. You deserve to be loved and cherished. He never deserved you.”

She reached for my hand and squeezed it. “Gino and I have a very special friendship, and he’s always told me that I deserve better. I’m going to pursue that, because I’ve pushed these feelings for him away for a long time, and I don’t have to do that anymore. None of us do.” She shrugged. “Look at Samuel. He’s engaged now. He’s working with you and making decisions for his life that are based around making himself happy. He took your father out of the equation and decided what kind of life he wanted. That’s what I’ve done as well. And I want that for you.”

“That man has been out of the equation for me for a very long time. That’s why I left medical school. That’s why I’m doing what I love. Even if he calls it playing with LEGOs, I know that I’m doing what I love. I don’t base my decisions on him anymore.”

Her thumb moved soothingly over the back of my hand. “You don’t seem happy, Myles. I know that your profession is something that you chose, and I’m proud of you for that. But your personal life is a different story. And I couldn’t live with myself if I was the reason you don’t experience love in your life. Real love, Myles. You’re an amazing man, and you deserve that. Don’t let our mistakes cost you someone you love.”

Fucking Samuel. The dude has a big mouth.

“Mom, I’m fine.”

“Myles, you aren’t fine. Ever since you returned home, you’ve seemed like a zombie every time I see you. Every time I speak to you. You are a shell of yourself, and I recognize that because I lived that way for a very long time. I was angry and I didn’t know how to express it. I buried it deep inside myself and put on a brave face and suffered in silence. I ended up becoming a mom that my boys didn’t respect. A woman that I didn’t respect. And I’m changing that now, and I don’t want you to do that.”

Now it was my turn to squeeze her hand. “I never blamed you. It killed me that you stayed with him, but I never blamed you. You were a wonderful mother. I just always felt that you deserved better.”

“And you don’t think that you deserve better?”

“I have everything that I want, Mom.” I pulled my hand away and reached for my water. This lunch had turned into a much heavier conversation than I’d anticipated, and I wanted to stop talking about it.

“Your father has had multiple affairs, Myles. Wendy is not going to stay with him. She and I may not be close friends, but we share a similar experience of being in a relationship with a toxic man that we both happened to have loved at some point. But the truth is, he’s a lonely man. He’s messed up in his own way, and he uses his money and his power to bully people. But you aren’t sticking it to your father by being alone. Because you’re just doing what I did all those years.”

My gaze locked with hers. “How am I doing what you did? I hardly talk to the man. I made a decision to do what I wanted professionally. He doesn’t decide what I do any longer.”

“Because of the trauma that you experienced as a young boy and young man, I think you’re afraid to open your heart. I think you were brave when you took over the company from your grandfather. It was a bold move.” Another tear slipped down her cheek. “But you are afraid to let yourself love and be loved, Myles. So you throw yourself into work, just like he did. You may not have chosen medicine, but you are choosing a career over a family. And Samuel told me that he believes you have real feelings for Montana. So why would you walk away?”

I groaned. “That brother of mine sure has a big fucking mouth.”

“It doesn’t matter who told me. Samuel loves you. We’ve both noticed a huge change in you since you’ve returned home. It’s been two months. You’re miserable, and for what? You can have it all, Myles. I was afraid to leave my marriage for a very long time, and fear can steal years of your life. I don’t want that for you. Tell me why you’re so afraid to love someone and let them love you back?”

I leaned back in my chair. The question had my skin prickling and my heart pounding in my ears. I didn’t respond. I didn’t know what to say.

She repeated the question. “Why are you so afraid?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you love her?” she pressed, and I wanted to shout at her for pushing me. For turning our lunch into a goddamn therapy session.

I looked away, letting out a long breath.

Her words played over and over in my head.

“She lives there, and I live here.”

“That wasn’t the question.”

“I wouldn’t even know how to be in a relationship, Mom,” I said as a pain settled in my chest. “She can do a hell of a lot better than me. Chances of me failing her are high. She deserves better. She deserves—everything.”

“Myles, you are the best son and the best brother. Your grandfather adored you. You know how to be in a relationship. You’re just afraid of failing. Because you’ve seen what that looks like. But you are not a coward. You are a fighter. And I’m going to ask you this one more time, and I want you to be brave enough to answer me.” Her gaze locked with mine. “Do you love her?”

I didn’t hesitate this time. “Yes.”

“Then do something about it. Do not waste years being unhappy. I’ve been there. You can’t get that time back.”

“I don’t know how to do this, Mom.” I cleared my throat. “I’ve never done it before.”

“Did you know how to be a brother when Samuel was born? No. You figured it out because you loved him, and you’re the best damn brother I’ve ever known. Did you know how to handle your father’s affair when you were young? No. But you did what you could to protect me, because you love me. Did you know how to run your grandfather’s business when he passed away? No. But you figured it out because you loved him. You’re a smart man, Myles. You spent months with her. Every time I spoke to you, you were with her. That’s all it is. Time and care and love. You know how to do it. You’re just afraid of failing. Dig deep, my brave boy.” Tears were streaming down her face now, and I didn’t even care if we were making a scene in this restaurant.

She was right.

I was afraid.

And that pissed me the hell off.

“Okay.” I nodded. “I’m going to fix this. And if it’s too late, I’m going to fight harder.”

She swiped at her face and smiled through her tears. “I love you, Myles.”

“I love you, too, Mom.”

“What are you going to do?” she said, her voice still wobbly from the conversation.

“I’m going to fucking figure it out.”

I pulled out my phone and sent a text message to my brother first.

I paid the bill and walked my mother out to her waiting car as her driver opened the back door.

I chuckled, because this was one fucked-up lunch. “Thanks for the talk.”

“It was years late, but I’m glad we had it. You deserve to be loved, and you deserve to be happy. No more fear, okay?”

I nodded and kissed her cheek. “I’ll keep you posted.”

After she drove off, I walked the few short blocks to the office and dialed Charlie.

“Hey. What did I do to deserve a call? You usually text,” he said with a laugh.

“And you give me those lame one-word answers when I text.”

“When you want to man up and actually ask the question instead of asking bullshit questions about Montana and the renovations, you’ll get more.”

“All right. I’m asking.”

“I’m listening,” he said.

“How is she? Is she dating anyone?”

“She was pretty down in the dumps for a while. Hell, she probably still is. The girl tries to be stoic, but she wears her heart on her sleeve. Hasn’t seemed like herself since you left. But Benji told me she and Violet were there on a double date not too long ago, so I don’t know, Myles.”

“I’m going to fucking fix this.”

“It’s about time you pulled your head out of your ass. Do you have a plan?”

“No. I just know that I’m miserable, and something needs to change,” I said. “But she told me not to reach out to her, and for all I know, she hates me now.”

“You’re no stranger to people hating you, are you?” He laughed, and I rolled my eyes.

“Fuck off. I’m going to fix this.”

“I knew you were a sappy bastard beneath it all.”

“You’re lucky you aren’t standing in front of me right now,” I said, not hiding the sarcasm from my voice.

“Myles,” he said.

“Yep.”

“Only come back if you’re going to stay. Don’t string her along. She’s one of the good ones.”

“I know. That’s why I’ve been a miserable fuck ever since I came home.”

“Yeah, Connor may have mentioned that.” He chuckled. “I’m glad you figured it out. I guess this means you’ll be back in Blushing soon.”

I missed my girl. Everything about her. I missed her falling asleep beside me. I missed the sound of her voice. The way her lips turned up in the corners when I was being a smart-ass. Hell, I even missed small-town living. The peacefulness. The easiness. All of it.

“Yep. I’ve got to take care of a few things, but I’ll be in touch.”

“Got you, buddy. Let me know what you need.”

“Thank you.” I ended the call and made my way into the building and up to the top floor.

My brother and Connor were in the conference room, both with goofy smiles on their faces. And for the first time in two months, I felt hopeful.

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t get fucking cocky. But I need your help.”

“Of course you do. And you’re going to need to put your ego aside and go big,” Connor said.

“Lucky for you, I’m the king of grand gestures,” my brother said. “Let’s brainstorm.” He sat down at the table, and I took the seat beside him, with Connor across from us.

I didn’t know what I needed to do, but I knew I’d figure it out.

Because I was done staying away.

I wanted her, and it was time I let her know.